I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize