I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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