Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
