Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
