question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
