We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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