Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
