It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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