I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
