1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
