3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
