dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so let's talk penis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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