I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize