Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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