Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
