Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize