we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We just shotgunned beers for America
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
