just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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