If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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