I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize