hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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