I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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