I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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