So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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