FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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