I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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