apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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