wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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