My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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