it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
