you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
