I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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