My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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