I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
