8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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