Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Randomize
