3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
