if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
