I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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