yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
