So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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