the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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