operation harelip BJ is a go
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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