White coat. Heels.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The beer is more important than you right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
