my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
