put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
