Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
