Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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