I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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