if only i could text you this smell
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
