We need to rekindle our bromance
pop tarts are not kleenex
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
