I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
