WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just threw up on my dentist
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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