honey bunches of taint.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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