before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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