I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
