Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
