I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
