I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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