New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drake has all the answers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
