He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
