now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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