shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
