Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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