No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
