We're like a lot better than the average bears
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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