you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
