Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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