So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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