i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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