Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
