I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
