Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize