Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
