If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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