they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize