At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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