I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm both gender and math confused
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
