the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
